In all of your writings, and especially this one, I love how you weave together a dozen or more ideas and stories and texts. The way your mind works is magic 🪄
The contrast of what women "believe" of their boyfriends versus who their boyfriends present as when with a sex worker is always interesting. Ladies fool themselves. I can hardly believe anymore that these women don't know.
Thanks for reading and engaging with my writing! Your comment is making me think about how much you can learn about a man's character from how he treats sex workers. It's like, hey ladies, are you worried your boyfriend actually deep down thinks you're an object? Just bring him to a strip club! I really feel for the women who get fooled though because I've been fooled by men so many times in my life, and it's extraordinarily painful to realize someone you trusted doesn't think of you as fully human. I experienced being a disposable prop for men's pleasure long before I ever made money off it, and if I'm being really honest with myself, only now do I refuse to serve that role for free. Does that make sense? Very curious to learn more about how sex work has changed your view on relationships, if you feel like sharing 🩷
I can not LOVE your response enough!! Yes on all that, mama. Especially the refusing to serve that role for free. Do not, will not. I have been fooled, like most, and sex work definitely changed that for me- its as though I got a peek behind the curtain, you know? The empathy and understanding I was extending in relationships with men, I realized, was often unwarranted. Im with you in regards to feeling for women in that regard and also I love the idea of the strip club being a litmus test for women in relationships with men! Perfect. I think sex work has changed my view in that Im not a romantic. I lead with logic. I treat romance/intimate connection like men do in that I make sure Im getting my needs met first and foremost. Men have this wonderful innate sense of entitlement (especially in regards to women)- I own that entitlement now too. Its the best. My mama always told me "live like a man". And I do in regards to emotion and connection. Happier this way, healthier this way.
Thank you so much for sharing! So true about the entitlement, I’ve always heard the saying to act with the “confidence of a mediocre white men” and there’s really something to that. Part of my piece is grappling with how cishet men and women who cling to a gender mold are denying themselves parts of themselves, so they fill the void in other ways. I have also exchanged my wholeness for parts, giving people all of me, until I’m parts myself. So I would love to see men connect more with their emotions and our human vulnerability. You’re saying the same in the inverse, I think, that women can access a certain nonchalant power men are socialized into from jump. I totally see that, like the heel I joke about as phallic weapon. I wonder too if that power is also or more a refusal to perform a certain kind of cishet femininity that is itself disempowering, ultimately self-destructive in its selflessness. I love the dommy mommy vibe because it combines confidence and power with emotional intelligence and care.
When I first saw this comment it was truncated so I read “I kind of regret reading this before I turn the lights out” and my first thought was oh no!! Not you having nightmares of me “hovering,” “disembodied,” offering you “my parts” 🙀🤣
Hahah! That was such an interesting way to read that. It was all good. A cyclone hit last night so my mind was more focused on “if that giant fir tree falls on me then no one will be able to look after my dogs”. Anyway it’s still a great article and I’m sure I’ll be thinking about it throughout my shift.
Oh dear, well, that was my first not final thought, because apparently I’m very worried about giving people nightmares with my spectral metaphors LOLSOB. I hope you and your doggies are doing okay in the wake of the cyclone ❤️
In all of your writings, and especially this one, I love how you weave together a dozen or more ideas and stories and texts. The way your mind works is magic 🪄
Thank you Pete 😭😭😭
The contrast of what women "believe" of their boyfriends versus who their boyfriends present as when with a sex worker is always interesting. Ladies fool themselves. I can hardly believe anymore that these women don't know.
Thanks for reading and engaging with my writing! Your comment is making me think about how much you can learn about a man's character from how he treats sex workers. It's like, hey ladies, are you worried your boyfriend actually deep down thinks you're an object? Just bring him to a strip club! I really feel for the women who get fooled though because I've been fooled by men so many times in my life, and it's extraordinarily painful to realize someone you trusted doesn't think of you as fully human. I experienced being a disposable prop for men's pleasure long before I ever made money off it, and if I'm being really honest with myself, only now do I refuse to serve that role for free. Does that make sense? Very curious to learn more about how sex work has changed your view on relationships, if you feel like sharing 🩷
I can not LOVE your response enough!! Yes on all that, mama. Especially the refusing to serve that role for free. Do not, will not. I have been fooled, like most, and sex work definitely changed that for me- its as though I got a peek behind the curtain, you know? The empathy and understanding I was extending in relationships with men, I realized, was often unwarranted. Im with you in regards to feeling for women in that regard and also I love the idea of the strip club being a litmus test for women in relationships with men! Perfect. I think sex work has changed my view in that Im not a romantic. I lead with logic. I treat romance/intimate connection like men do in that I make sure Im getting my needs met first and foremost. Men have this wonderful innate sense of entitlement (especially in regards to women)- I own that entitlement now too. Its the best. My mama always told me "live like a man". And I do in regards to emotion and connection. Happier this way, healthier this way.
Thank you so much for sharing! So true about the entitlement, I’ve always heard the saying to act with the “confidence of a mediocre white men” and there’s really something to that. Part of my piece is grappling with how cishet men and women who cling to a gender mold are denying themselves parts of themselves, so they fill the void in other ways. I have also exchanged my wholeness for parts, giving people all of me, until I’m parts myself. So I would love to see men connect more with their emotions and our human vulnerability. You’re saying the same in the inverse, I think, that women can access a certain nonchalant power men are socialized into from jump. I totally see that, like the heel I joke about as phallic weapon. I wonder too if that power is also or more a refusal to perform a certain kind of cishet femininity that is itself disempowering, ultimately self-destructive in its selflessness. I love the dommy mommy vibe because it combines confidence and power with emotional intelligence and care.
Very powerful writing, as usual.
Thank you, Jack! 🩵
Here's hoping you find a little more sunlight. You seemed distressed in this one, and not, if you don't mind my saying, just by politics.
This was such an unreal read. Thank you so much for sharing. I kind of regret reading this before I turn the lights out because now my mind is racing.
When I first saw this comment it was truncated so I read “I kind of regret reading this before I turn the lights out” and my first thought was oh no!! Not you having nightmares of me “hovering,” “disembodied,” offering you “my parts” 🙀🤣
Hahah! That was such an interesting way to read that. It was all good. A cyclone hit last night so my mind was more focused on “if that giant fir tree falls on me then no one will be able to look after my dogs”. Anyway it’s still a great article and I’m sure I’ll be thinking about it throughout my shift.
Oh dear, well, that was my first not final thought, because apparently I’m very worried about giving people nightmares with my spectral metaphors LOLSOB. I hope you and your doggies are doing okay in the wake of the cyclone ❤️
We all escaped unscathed and the house and yard are fine thankfully. Sadly my cat got a UTI, but I’m pretty sure that wasn’t the storms fault. 💸💸💸